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Entry Yeah we are engaged
Posted by sapphireb on Jun 11 2011, 01:43 AM
She proposed, on one bended knee, displaying one big rock, with one sincere heart. I accepted, without hesitation, without doubts, without fear, with love. Yes, we are engaged! Soon I will be Mrs Sim. Hahahaha or rather she will be Mrs Yeo tongue.gif Of course she won't agree to that, she is adamant that I will be Mrs Sim. Well, I shall let her have her way. Yes baby u got me!

Wanna post my engagement pics online but am having difficulty. Just got my ipad 2 weeks ago, still trying to figure how to use it. Well at least I can blog with the iPad, next is to figure out how to upload pics using this tablet. Hope it won't take long for me to figure it out, I can be kinda s-l-o-w when it comes to technical stuff. blink.gif

Entry Reflections
Posted by sapphireb on May 12 2010, 10:10 PM
The note below was written on 2nd March 2009 when I was still attached with my ex. We were on a holiday in KL when I allowed my mind to drift. My mind drifted to somewhere, to someone, and that someone turns out to be my current love. Yes, my true love. I remembered feeling extremely unsure and insecure at that time. Well, I was then dating a guy and felt that itís the ďrightĒ thing to do and what my parents expected of me.

The truth is, I was really unhappy in the r/s with my ex. I think that he would make a good buddy, hang out together for movies and dinner but nothing more than that. For the 1 year that we were together, we were hanging out like good friends, with no intimacy involved. We tried to be intimate but I just canít, and it makes him wondered about our r/s too.

I was sitting alone in a cafe in KL, when I started scribbling. Looking back, the note shows my lack of courage to face my truth-self and I was perturbed about the outcome of allowing myself to step forward and embracing her (her = my true love). The note ended with the statement ďfor I let my mind rest and my heart ruleĒ. By writing the note, I have unknowingly sank into my inner thoughts and made up my mind.

On 6th March 2009, I started my r/s with my her.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Doing it even knowing its wrong,
In your presence, allowing my weakness to show,
Melting in your embrace, I surrender myself to you,
Now, I hate to think
For the future seems bleak,
Its hurts thinking of the possibilities or rather none at all
For all I wish for, is to rest my head on your shoulder,
For in that instance, I feel the realness of my heart
For I let my mind rest and my heart rule
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Entry Kiss me when words just ainít enuff
Posted by sapphireb on Jun 13 2009, 01:02 AM
I said, Ďwe are through, please donít call me anymoreí to her yesterday.
I want to be with her but there are too many insults from her that makes it tough for me.

I thought we are happy together, that both of us are happy together. And yesterday, I finally realised that I am wrong, she is unhappy.
If I make your life so miserable, so heavy hearted, so angry, why are we together?

But I canít bear to leave her, for I canít bear to lose her. Right after I told her we are through, I regretted. I experience a feeling of sadness and emptiness.
I have make up my mind, even if she lost her way in our life journey together, I will hold her hand and lead her back to me. I will not let go, I will not say we are through again.

Baby prince, let me be the one that can always make you smile. Please ignore what others are saying, they are not me, their opinions doesnít matter.
In life, you canít have it all. Sacrifices only make us appreciate each other even more. I know what I want for my bb makes me smile and isnít that what matters most. To be waking up everyday knowing that you have found that someone special walking this life journey with you. So now, there is no fear, for I am not alone. I have someone special, someone I care to share my life with, to share my happiness, laugh with me, laugh at me and wipe the tears from my face when am sad. Kiss me when words just ainít enuff.



Entry I hate MONDAY
Posted by sapphireb on May 18 2009, 12:22 AM
Eversince Iím attached to my ger, I have started to dislike Monday. I want to spend all my time with her doing things together. We have planned our activities way before the weekend arrives, Sunday brunch, dvd marathon session at her place, cooking at my place, movies, shopping, ice cream, hiking, musical cats and our fav club, Thai Disco.

I hate Monday.

I want to spend every day with her beside me.

Entry Together, 6 Mar 09, Forever.
Posted by sapphireb on Mar 25 2009, 10:55 PM
Its take more than courage and determination to be different in this society. I feel that I belong to the minority and easily the subject of mockery by people who do not understand. Working in the finance sector makes it worse as the level of acceptance is near zero. I am surrounded by extremely gossipy colleagues, friends of colleagues and acquaintances. People who hold no qualms talking bad about you, laugh at you being different and even ridicule at how you can have sex with another ger.

Yes, it takes more than courage and determination. I am totally in love and because I want to be with you, no one else but you, I will be brave.

I know that I need to be brave and I can be cos of you. I am ensured of having you by my side, walking this path with me. Sharing my happiness, my sadness, my bitchy moments and wiping tears from my face.

You and me, together, 6 Mar 09, forever.

Entry My head on your shoulder
Posted by sapphireb on Feb 23 2009, 09:49 PM
A very dear friend of mine got chucked by her gf recently.

Suddenly her life seems to stop and she starts to take leave and mc almost every other day. It sadden me seeing her so lost, so depress and in so much pain.

She starts to smoke, one stick after another. During 1 smoke break, she can inhaled 4 sticks in 10 minutes before I dragged her back to the office.

I really wanna hit her in the face till she bleed and shout at the top of my voice, ďPlease wake up. She has found someone else.Ē

But I did not cause her face is so cute, I canít bear to hit.

All I do is to be next to her, while she puffed away. One stick after another.

Slowly, I rest my head on her shoulder and it feels so good. Time seems to stop, as I rest on head on her shoulder and closed my eyes. I like the closeness, the feel of her shoulder and her beside me.

My dear friend, please pick yourself up.

Entry Itís time to let go
Posted by sapphireb on Feb 8 2009, 03:15 PM
Itís time to let go

Went out with some friends yesterday for coke. Thatís because I donít drink but they do.

Friend keep teasing me, saying am slow, not fast, stupid...I laugh it off, thatís because I know I am not. One question from her suddenly does make me feel dumb, slow, not fast, even mentally retarded.

Friend: So what makes u join Herstory

Me: Errrmmm (Shit in my mind, I know the reason but having to tell her the reason makes me feel dumb). Errrmmmmm.........I want to find her, my ex gf from many moons ago.

Its more than 10 years ago, we have lost contact. I have wilfully deleted all her contact details when we part. I am now left with nothing of her except her name, her face (vaguely) and her touch. We used to talk on the phone and IRC until it was time for bed and now I donít even have her number anymore.

Come to think of it, why canít I let go, since it happen so long ago. I am sure she has moved on, perhaps have settled down with a girl who knows how to appreciate her better than I do. And what is the point of trying to find her after 10 years of breaking up!!!!!! Whatís my intention? To disrupt her now peaceful life or to mess up her already chaotic life? For some weird reason, the latter brings a smile to my face smile.gif

Anyway, its time to let go.

Let the sweet memories including the unpleasant to last to infinity.

 

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