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Entry 안녕, さようなら。
Posted by hikari_brite on Dec 19 2010, 11:07 PM

im outta here.

Entry damn it
Posted by hikari_brite on Dec 3 2010, 01:23 AM
the idiot bbm-ed me & asked if i was gonna leave the office on the dot.

i had a million things to do & wld prolly be stuck there till over 9pm.

i replied that i was gonna leave at 5pm after i was done with some quotations.

she asked me if i could pick her up from school.
it was raining matharfucking heavy & she was stuck in school.

i said ok & ran back to finish up a quotation which i had to put down after lunch to meet a supplier.
after the meeting, i went to parkway parade to get some supplies we ordered, popped by a wine shop for a price list, bought sandwiches to share with our office jesus, ran to GNC to get my whey protein & stole a "way out" sign on the way to get the car just for the fun of it.

jesus asked if i was leaving at 5 & i said i had to. but i offered to go in early the next day to help but he said it was ok.

kimchi bbm-ed me to get her something to eat from the pantry coz she was hungry.
her last bbm to me which had me bolting to the door...
hurry ah. damn cold.

we have no pantry in the office, so i took the whole box of sandwiches i was supposed to share with jesus & ran to the car.

her school ended at 5 but she waited till almost 6.30 for me coz i had to make a detour for petrol & the weather & traffic conditions were nerve-wrecking.

we gobbled down the sandwiches in the car while going towards the SLE, opened the windows to smoke & laughed a lot about some funny things we said.
when we reached her house, we sat in the car, our legs dangling out the window, listened to kpop songs & i told her how disgusting her zillions of toes prints on my windscreen are.

i dont know what time we'd slack in the car till & she left only coz she really needed to pee.

i know im not really getting anywhere over kimchi.

this is bad.

the irony is that i told montkia that im somewhat over her.
but a bbm,
a small request,
any word from her that she wanted to hangout/have dinner/go chill somewhere/go to her hs to slack/drink beer....
i'd be there in an instant.

this is really bad.

Entry pissed
Posted by hikari_brite on Nov 20 2010, 01:52 PM
it's annoying to know that my ex gfs' current squeezes hate me... or hate the idea of me hanging out with my exes.

i've been deleted from fb/ msn/ phonebook by my exes on the demands of their gfs ALL THE TIME.
the times when i get back on those places, are when they broke up.

it doesnt hurt to let them know that my exes can MEMORIZE my number, BODOH!

their mobile phones can get confiscated or drowned in the toilet bowl but they can still call me coz my number is etched into their brains coz I AM the person they call when they need help/ a comforting word/ friend hug/ mindless hanging out.

latest piss...
i've lost a good padding partner for muaythai coz her gf doesnt like it.
yeah, like romance will flourish while we punch/ elbow/ knee/ kick each other to death.

if my gf or date hates the idea of me going for training with my ex, she can either let me punch or kick her senseless, be my padding partner & let me abuse them or get dumped.

my exes tell me that their gfs feel threatened by my existence.
fuck off.
im a nothing & a nobody.
im just a dj.
i can beat the shit back into the person's intestines when they're so scared when i beat them up they crap in their own pants.
the main thing my exes remember me by, is the sex...
besides me being the asshole (that's not the point!).

but of course,
when your self-esteem is as tiny as a peanut,
your capabilities are only limited to lording over your gfs & screaming at them when you mess up,
it's no wonder a nobody like me can be a threat.

suck my toes.

Entry hmmm
Posted by hikari_brite on Nov 17 2010, 02:05 PM
im just contented with being around kimchi.
dating or not, doesnt matter anymore.

like what montkia said,
friendship lasts a lifetime. relationships dont.

goodbye crush.
hello friend.

Entry i know.
Posted by hikari_brite on Nov 17 2010, 12:57 PM
i know what she was gonna say before montkia asked.
but what im really glad about is that she looks up to me and treats me like a really close friend.
she's been telling me that we should each find ourselves a date/gf.
i think we'll prolly bully the crap outta them if we do.

maybe one day, she'll think that it would have been so much easier if we dated.
maybe one day, i'll look back and think of how ridiculous it is to even have a crush on her.


last night was wild, crazy and awesome!

we took turn in getting bullied and our hair pulled by each other ( i think i got it the hardest T.T), shouted "STEROIDS GAN AH!" every time we felt like it, did our sehka cheer, sang out of tune loudly to all the songs and got disgusted by montkia and qq making out in front of our faces.



going back to hilltop to train.
i miss shifu.

been wanting to jog since forever before going back but im too lazy to buy running shoes.
jogging at hilltop gives me the excuse of running around barefooted (my fav!) and looking like some deranged siao chabo and no one gives a shit.

besides that, the ex gf's going back to train too... so my padding partner problem's solved!
i dun wanna be padding partner with some girly girl (if there're any at all) or shifu.
he's everyone's padding partner nightmare.


i wanna take up canoeing with kimchi!!!


Entry 18 hrs
Posted by hikari_brite on Nov 14 2010, 04:23 PM
friday was 18hrs of kimchi!!!

the blardy bugger bbm-ed me at 9am (i slept at 5am coz i went for supper with bff after-party) n told me she might get off school at 12+.

i went back to sleep aft she told me how she got a scratch on her bb when she dropped it...
kimchi: cb i dropped my phone.
me: -.- merry xmas.
kimchi: fuck lor cb gt one big scratch.
kimchi: walau... fucccckkk... how come u wake up so early ah?
me: coz ur bbm woke me up?
kimchi: hahahahahaha

it was just basically me & her time from 12pm onwards when i picked her up from school.

we talked & joked so much, not a moment was boring (at least not for me biggrin.gif), swigged beers, smoked non-stop, cursed at each other, pushed each other around & i laughed the hardest when a 16yr old kid tried to hit on her.

after we packed up, we chilled with the birthday girl & started talking non-stop again.
when i warned her about her chain smoking, she said,
fuck la, it's bachelor's night man! just smoke & drink till we die!

both of us agreed that if montkia was there, she'd probably get hit on & get pissed smashed & start vomiting into the pits, the bushes & fall into the pool.

of course, not wanting to call it a night even after 3am when we left the condo, we had supper near her house.
the food sucked but we ate anyways.

sent her to her block, sat in the car with our legs dangling out of the car window & smoked more.
that was when we started taking turns getting out of the car to fart.
in the end, we just sat by the curb, chatting, farting, smoking & agreed that bachelors' night should happen more often.

we parted ways after listening to The Time (dirty bit) by BEP on radio after 6am.
as usual, she grinned, got out of the car & said,
see u sooooon! drive home safe!!

& as usual, i watched her back as she made her way towards the lift lobby, grinning while looking at her usual swagger, congratulating myself once again at my wonderful acting.

it's time i should snap out of my hopeless crush on her.
she's such a wonderful friend to have & it's not fair to her that everytime im out with her, i wish that we were dating.

i'm living a lie & making her live it with me.
it's just not fair.


watched an old movie 'The Road to Rondanthe' & cried like some marthafucker.

i hate love stories.
any strands of feeling of love kills me.

of all the feelings & emotions i wish to feel to be alive again, love is not on the list.
not from anyone else but kimchi,
which i know is not possible... that is why i've striked it out of my list long ago.

im prepared to live out many many lonely days rejecting all others while yearning for one which will never come.


Entry random
Posted by hikari_brite on Nov 5 2010, 07:39 PM
im sick of thinking of titles for my blog entries.


it's really weird.
just weird n not coz i think there's something wrong with me...
when someone who got her brains fucked out by me, got attached a few days after... to another person.

no i dont wanna gf n im not jealous.
i wanna date no one else but kimchi n i know it's not really possible between us.
but still,
it's weird.

what am i?!?!
some sexual escapade before going back to reality??
or some wild rampage before settling down with someone who's not... wild??

i've had so many girls telling me im not good gf material till it gets drilled in my mind that I AM NOT GOOD GF MATERIAL.

but what IS good gf material?!?
someone who remembers what the gf likes?
someone who talks tenderly n gazes at the gf with love in the eyes?
someone who doesnt drink n hang out late (n get into fights or other ppl's beds)?
someone who makes small lil prezzies to surprise the gf?
someone who goes 'awwww, check out that cute lil screaming, kicking kid'?
someone who picks up/ drop off the gf like a chauffer?
someone who brings the gf to expensive restaurants which serve portions so tiny you cant really tell if dinner's over till you empty your wallet on the bill?

come on, get a grip on reality.


tried unsuccessfully asking kimchi out last nite for dinner.
she wanted nothing but to sit at home n gush blood.
day before yesterday, when we went to the toilet together, she said,
"walau, my flow is so heavy the tampon string is bloody."
i was rolling my eyes to the back of my head in the next cubicle n i begged her to spare me the details.

Entry i wanna be a spider!
Posted by hikari_brite on Nov 5 2010, 02:47 PM
im sitting here on a deepavali holiday,
working on 3 computers,
playing games on my ipod touch,
sipping from the big gulp i brought hm,
and reading a book.

i aint a good multi tasker actually...
sipped my coke and thought i was smoking,
poked my book and flipped my ipod..
and i nearly ate my cig.

my desk top's downloading some music files,
wrking on the serato with my mac,
n checking my company's main mail with the lappie i brought back frm the ofc.
altho my mac can handle ALL the workload (wat cant a mac pro do?), i dun wanna tire out my baby.

when i started work at my sis' ship services company, everything hit me in my face.
i had to do the disbursement account, purchasing & quotations (my colleague whom i nicknamed jesus, was on reservist duty,) and i had to read ALL the emails from vessels and keyships from greece, germany and argentina... in case i missed any enquiries.

im a noob.

i was ostracized on my first few days of work...
until i shouted a string of vulgarities when i accidentally deleted 1 of the DAs i was working on,
and i became 1 of the guys.

got my safety helmet, fugly luminous vest, safety boots and PSA pass.

next stop, vessel boarding.

i hope i dont screw up and fall into the sea.


got my kias' specs!
waiting for ah ni to come back then we can complete our specs look.


Entry not good
Posted by hikari_brite on Nov 1 2010, 07:59 PM
it was bad...
it was a supposedly happy day.

saw kimchi 3 days in a row,
watched her race,
saw the gleam in her eyes when she was told that they were placed third in the race,
she was the first person to bbm me for some mornings just to talk nonsense,
went to my hs to shower on the 1st day of her race,
and all the while we have never gotten together so much even when we started hanging out as the kias.

but still, somehow, i cried when i heard a song down at sky.

scared the shit outta bff coz she'd never seen me cry.

i am afraid of the day when kimchi starts dating someone.

during dinner on saturday, kimchi n i argued over some funny stuff n she said she wont date me coz im so much older.
i retorted that i wldnt date her as well coz her mouth is so foul n i'd prolly punch her all the time if we did date.
then she asked me if i thought she'd just stand there n let me punch ( i know she wldnt!)
n all the while, montkia n qq buried their faces in their rice n snorted while ah ni rolled her eyes n prolly sniggered to death in her mind.

they all know i want nothing else in this world other than to date that stupid idiot.

i feel like sucha hypocrite.
i told her we're lucky we dont have complications like other cliques which eventually break apart when they start falling in n out of love with each other (she replied "of coz la! our clique 5 ppl fall what sia?!),
everytime we hang out i sneak glances at her n pretended that i dont give a damn about her,
everytime we meet up, i'd change my bb's screen to our kias' family photo instead of the photo of just the 2 of us (she enjoys picking up n playing ard with my bb whenever she feels like it),
everytime we sit puffing away n chatting in the car, we talk about how annoying girly girls are n how we'd absolutely kill each other if we dated (she can kill me i dont care, as long as she dates me!) n how i told her the person she dates will prolly get tortured to death (torture me!)... all the while, i just wanted to throw it all out at her n confess about how i feel.

seeing her, so young, so full of funny ideas, so full of ambitions, makes me think i've accomplished absolutely nothing to make her see anything good in me.

im just sitting here,
waiting for the day to come when i'll be reduced to nothing.

Entry bbm madness!
Posted by hikari_brite on Oct 27 2010, 11:56 PM
stupid kimchi finally traded in her bb-wannabe-nokia phone for a REAL BB!
... just when im about to switch to an iphone.
i guess im really gonna be stuck with my almost dead bb for quite a while now.... or at least till it dies coz kimchi warned me i'd better keep using bb for at least a month.

sure conference like no martherfucking business!


happiness is....
meeting kimchi.

i know ah ni & montkia were rolling their eyes to the back of their heads so much but I CANT HELP IT RIGHT?!?!


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